I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
