Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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