wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
