There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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