After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
