You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
