Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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