Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
