The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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