Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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