oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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