i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
