I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
