Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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