i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
