coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
