Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
