We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I love you. Go after that dick
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
