i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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