he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
