im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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