a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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