So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
