I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Boobs speak an international language.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
