He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
