i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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