You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have post one night stand depression
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