i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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