She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
