Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
