Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
