i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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