My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
