Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
