What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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