if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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