Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
