hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
