Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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