He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
