Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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