Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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