here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
