sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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