and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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