I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
