Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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