she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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