she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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