Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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