this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
