do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
