do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
