Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
