Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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