plz talk dirty to me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
