We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
