i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
