So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
