you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
