you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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