What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize